My survival tips will be put to the test over the next few weeks when my daughter leaves home to live in a sharehouse.
Although the move has been planned for some months I think it still will cause me some anxiety . The last time the move was discussed I was in the midst of a depressive episode. My emotional state as you can imagine was extremely fragile. Needless to say I did get pretty stressed by the incident at that time. Now that I'm in a much stronger emotional state I'll be able to deal with the matter more objectively.
Although the move has been planned for some months I think it still will cause me some anxiety . The last time the move was discussed I was in the midst of a depressive episode. My emotional state as you can imagine was extremely fragile. Needless to say I did get pretty stressed by the incident at that time. Now that I'm in a much stronger emotional state I'll be able to deal with the matter more objectively.
Although I'm now in a position of better emotional strength I know the old fears of abandonment are still lurking in the depths of my psyche.
I think it would be better for me to get physically involved in the moving out process which would at least make me feel useful and bring some reality to the change so I can't bury my fears in denial. I know this is just a necessary and natural transition life phase for both of us to gain our own independence. Helping out it will put it in a more positive light.
Being locked put of the process for me would be very painful. I've been through that before when my other daughter left for overseas. Every day for two weeks the sound and sight of her packing away or throwing out her belongings aroused anxious feelings in me. I couldn't see any positive side to it at all . I think this indicates my high emotional vulnerability to the loss of people and things that I hold dear. I just wanted it to be over short and sharpish.
I think it would be better for me to get physically involved in the moving out process which would at least make me feel useful and bring some reality to the change so I can't bury my fears in denial. I know this is just a necessary and natural transition life phase for both of us to gain our own independence. Helping out it will put it in a more positive light.
Being locked put of the process for me would be very painful. I've been through that before when my other daughter left for overseas. Every day for two weeks the sound and sight of her packing away or throwing out her belongings aroused anxious feelings in me. I couldn't see any positive side to it at all . I think this indicates my high emotional vulnerability to the loss of people and things that I hold dear. I just wanted it to be over short and sharpish.
Most parents see their children moving on in life and can still feel happy for them. I however found it devastating. Feelings of confusion, selfishness, jealousy, fear and anger filled my heart . At the time I seemed to believe my dramatic reactions showed how much I loved my family. How wrong I was. I can see now that it was purely about my loss, my pain, my abandonment.
Children want to see their parents genuinely pleased and proud of their move to independence, not to witness a painful and undignified display of despair.
I felt a hint of this anxiety today when I received the news that I would soon be living alone once more. Feelings of anxiety and fear came from nowhere and my sudden change in mood was pretty obvious. I couldn't stop them in that moment. The old fears of abandonment arose in me ready to drag me down again.
However I'm stronger this time around and more determined than ever to not let these habitual negative thought patterns take up residence in my mind.
I can choose to summon the Leonian courage that I have within me to jump on board and help my daughter enjoy this important event in her life. It isn't easy because everyone now immediately thinks I will emotionally crash again. But I know this will turn out for the best and by helping in the best way I can will demonstrate my real love.
However I'm stronger this time around and more determined than ever to not let these habitual negative thought patterns take up residence in my mind.
I can choose to summon the Leonian courage that I have within me to jump on board and help my daughter enjoy this important event in her life. It isn't easy because everyone now immediately thinks I will emotionally crash again. But I know this will turn out for the best and by helping in the best way I can will demonstrate my real love.
I now have in my artillery powerful strategies for dealing with and avoiding a depressed emotional state.
This is the time to put them into practice!
This is the time to put them into practice!
My motto I guess will be "jump on board .....it's not about ME!
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