Forever looking?

'Blue' by Joan via  picfor.me

Sometimes the best way to find what you're looking for is to stop looking

Andante

Can Illness be Addictive? (Part 1- A Fable of Courage, Addiction and Shame)

A scene from the BBC TV Series 'The Street'
Image Courtesy BBC

I recently watched an episode of 'The Street', an excellent and intelligent  British drama series about the lives of people living in the modern urban poverty of Manchester, an industrial city in England.

In this episode a betting shop employee, Shay (Stephen Graham) is forced to reassess his life and his alcoholism when he meets Otto, his 16-year-old son with Down's Syndrome, (played by Leon Harrop) for the first time.

Central to the episode was a violent robbery in the local betting shop. Shay ran the shop and worked behind the counter. He was a bit of sad character  and  loner who liked a  drink and a bet and recited Dylan Thomas when he was drunk. 

The other chap, Nick (Jonas Armstrong) was a soldier recently returned from the war in Iraq sporting a facial disfigurement from injuries received in a suicide bomb attack. We knew from previous episodes that his war experiences, his loss of self esteem from his unattractive  facial scarring and the prejudice of the local community since he returned  had left him psychologically  damaged  and  emotionally isolated from other people. He was in the betting shop when the robbery occurred and took cover along with everyone else.

The storyline then followed the life of Shay. When his ex wife arrives at his doorstep and introduces him his intellectually disabled teenage son Otto, whom he had never known about, he initially refuses to acknowledge the lad,  preferring instead to continue spending  his days drinking and betting and thinking only of his own problems.

Although he eventually begins to respond to Otto's persistent and unconditional admiration for him his life becomes more and more dysfunctional as he struggles with feelings of guilt and failure over his inability to cope with fatherhood. Despite a number of attempts to  give up the drink he cannot prevent his descent into alcoholism. 

A defining scene occurs when Otto's mother declares to her son in front of  his father that  "your father loves the grog more than he loves you!"....and Shay says nothing implying his helplessness in the face of addiction.


It was frustrating to witness his daily battle with the warm destructive temptation of grog and watch his good intentions continually overwhelmed by its power. He loses his job after 'borrowing' money from the till and ends up homeless. He is  eventually spotted living under an overpass by the younger sister of Nick ,who, as you will recall, was with him at the betting shop robbery. 

Being a close knit community Nick's mum takes him for a while to help him get his life back together. One night after he began to recover from his addiction they were discussing the nature of bravery and courage. The alcoholic blamed his descent into alcohol addiction on the trauma he experienced during the betting shop robbery. He drank heavily after the incident to hide his fear. Moreover he  attributed  Nick's seemingly better ability to cope with the robbery trauma to his  desensitization following his war experiences.

But the ex soldier denied that he was desensitized and, pointing to the burn scars on his face uttered: 

"The bravest thing I ever did wasn't facing the trauma of war. ........It was  to come back home and walk into the local pub again for the first time with a face like this" 

He continued:

"Bravery isn't measured by how you cope with the initial trauma but by how well you cope with ordinary life afterward"

His response puts into perspective the role of personal choice in how one responds to a traumatic event in their life. Is it possible that such events may subconsciously provide the excuse some people have been waiting for to turn what once might have been an enjoyable but relatively harmless controlled  pastime (such as having a few social drinks or taking a midday nap) into a full- on self indulgent addiction (such as alcoholism or wanting to spend  all day in bed)  that overrides their long held core beliefs and every aspect of their life.

Does this suggest a behavioral abnormality or genetic component?

They may find comfort and normalcy in their drug of choice be it alcohol, heroin, attention seeking behavior, co-dependency sympathy, obsessive love or sex.

It became apparent to Shay that he was showing a lack of courage in 'choosing' his love of grog (the addiction) over his love for his son Otto and family despite his constant attempts to dislodge himself from it. Every day he felt a rush of anticipation of the pleasure he would get from the first exquisite warm sip ignoring thoughts of tomorrow. The dopamine  rush is 'buy now...pay later'...designed to make you immediately happy and not to remind you of the high interest repayments later.

It was likely it was his sense of intense 'shame' at hitting rock bottom that turned him to listen to the voice of recovery. 

'Shame' can be a weapon against self annihilation in that it is a valid and natural human emotion that can challenge one to correct the injustice and hurt that may be behind it.

A sense  of 'shame' urged Shay to finally 'take action' to regain his pride .

'Shame' is often the last lifeline that reconnects us to humanity and  saves  us from the oblivion of self destruction.

'Shame'  creates a  space for honesty and eventually forgiveness.

It eventually became apparent to Shay that his intellectually disabled son  worshipped and loved him more that anything else in the world and that  his  love was unconditional. He was accepted by Otto despite letting him down time and time again.  It was not until his drinking habit almost killed his son that he woke up to the implications of his habit. 

From that point on his sense of 'guilt' or 'shame' finally become a stronger addiction than alcohol and he turned his life around.

BBC 'The Street'

Read Part 2 Here

How do you Think Other People Perceive You?

I attended one of those little discussion groups last night....you know....the ones where you sit around in a small cosy group in a comfy room with scented candles and a warm fire and talk about feelings and emotions and do role plays and games.

This workshop was with a group of new friends whom I met during a recent course, which  not surprisingly was also about getting more enjoyment out of  life. A small group of us continued to stay in touch and had got to know each other a little better during that time.

Mad Hatter's Birthday

Well another birthday over as the years tick away

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