Selective or convenient depression......
The worse thing that has been said about my illness is that I have "selective" or "convenient" depression. My husband told me that I am depressed when its convienant for me! Now I constantly feel like I have to always explain why I cant get out of bed today or why I am crying the entire day or why I havent slept in 3 days and then all of a sudden I am happy and I am able to get things done. I dont chose when I have good or bad days! I cant snap my fingers and make it all better! How dare he tell me that I decide when I am depressed or not! He has no idea what I am going through inside. I cant imagine anyone chosing this illness. When I am having good days I try to do as much as I can because I dont know how long its gonna last, I just wish I could be normal, Im not sure what that even is anymore.....
—Guest jadensmom
How my family react to me
Just an incredibly lonely road, being misunderstood, and isolated, gives a strong sense of being unloved
—metherin
Sometimes it's the little things
The worst thing, recently, that hurt me, was an now ex "close friend" explaining ME to his daughter-in-law. "She's just different from us..." However, the more I think about the "us" he was talking about, I am so glad that I am "different"
—Guest UpandAway
Hurtful things said to me.......
I have been told I was a walking train wreck and any relation I have will be ruining everybody's life. I have also been called nuts, screw loose, why would anyone get involved with you. Lies made up where I would marry someone to get medical coverage for the future, rumors from my own work group that I was going to sue the company and get the $$ and retire. Someone always says I am a mess and should remain single to keep from involving my bipolar self with them - therefore ruining their life and all the others in their family. This all came out in a few days and actually knocked my bipolar into a big spiral downwards till I could not get up. So so mean. (especially from some on that said I was the one for them). This was a couple of months ago and thinking about it starts the spiral churning again; and panic attacks again. I was told I would end up living my life alone and that would be best for everyone.
—Guest AURORA
Too much to deal with
I'm bp highly emotional, and i understand that it gets tiring. but people think im too much to handle when i need help the most... i know you would rather be playing hop scotch and blowing bubbles, but sometimes my meds arent enough... i just need a shoulder to lean on. some people dont seem to get that. ive sat with people through similar breakdowns... because i genuinely cared- how can people be so ruthless?
—Guest IndiTAT2
In My Day...
I was told, "In my day we just had a cocktail when we felt that way". I suppose that was the solution for everything back then...
—Guest jb
piper
More an attitude that I feel
My family members don't come out and say it, but I can feel their disappointment in me. They think I don't try enough. I have internalized this attitude, which is the part that hurts the most...yet I keep trying and can occasionally picture the huge the challenge I daily endure. I am impulsive and have a temper and say things I cannot believe I say at times. I know better, I know better, but something overtakes my common sense and leaves me feeling ashamed and defeated. Just when I am feeling better, these things happen. I am getting better, though, in the sense that I now recognize my problems and am coping with them in lieu of just feeling confused.
—kdc910
To all of you
Why, throw your pearls before swine? We have an illness that defies description.I learned soon on -NOT to tell anyone what I have.If you are angry, it's bp, if you are crabby it's bp,if you are irritable it's bp, if you talk too much it''s your bp, if you spend too much,it's your bp--I know people with all these traits and more and they don't have bp,I'm so sick of ignorant people trying to put me in a box.The crazy box. Look, we have this, and have to live with it -there is no current cure.My son thru me under the bus, and took away my g-kids,-little does he know,he is on the same track-I can see it now,and he too will "get" the gift that keeps on giving.-he's got too many symptoms not to. Why would you want to tell anyone, about the least explored part of the body-the brain-that you have an imbalance that even YOU & your DOC. don't really understand? Other people are 'one rock on the head' away from a mental disorder-you can be brilliant, and have abrick fall on you, and be me.
—susanilj
"I don't have time for this"
"My sister told me that she didn't have time for me while I was in the midst of a very serious psychotic breakdown. She said "I don't have time for this - I have a family to raise." She hasn't spoken to me in a year and a half. According to her all I need to do is go to my doctor, keep taking my meds, see a counselor, go to a support group and I will be fine. She doesn't understand that having a mental illness is not a "cut and dry" situation. It takes lots of work and lots of patience to get into a stable state of mind, and find the right meds and then there are all kinds of things that can make you lose your stability - like stress, not enough meds, the wrong meds, people yelling at you, or maybe just everyday life. The list goes on and on. My sisters' comment was very hurtful to me because I thought I was "family" and I thought that she cared about me. Obviously I was wrong."
—furrybabies
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